Empty Nesters Move to The City

Today I was traveling to a bank on the upper east side of NYC. The couple, Robert and Carol Margolis, were typical of many transplanted New Yorkers. They had lived in the suburbs for many years, where they raised their kids; they now live in an expensive NYC condo on E74th Street and Park Ave. While spending 25 years in the burbs, Robert was a manufacturer, and Carol was a stay-at-home wife. Now the couple was living an exciting new life, exploring the urban jungle of NYC.

The Examination Begins

The pleasantries and introduction took almost ten minutes. Carol was a talker for sure! She kept looking, almost staring, at me like she was analyzing every part of me. Finally, trying to ignore her attention, I began pulling the papers for the mortgage out of my bag. Growing uneasy, I was unsure why Carol was paying so much attention to me, this hard-working notary.

I knew I was in for a ride. My instincts were right. Carol immediately started complimenting everything about me! The first tribute was my eyeglasses. “Your eyeglasses are so cool, and where did you get them” I answered Warby Parker and that they were progressives. I added that I got them at an excellent price. For some reason, Carol immediately looked at her husband and said, “Your glasses are so old and boring, and you just paid $1,000” Her husband just sat silently and nodded, “yes.”

Continuing, Carol complimented me on my blue down vest. Then, of course, this friendly wife inquired, “where did I get my vest” I responded, “at Uniqlo for $49,” Carol replied, “Robert, your old sweater fits you like an old man. The interrogation and execution are the norms. “So what was next on the examination table? I kept smiling yet felt sadness for quiet Robert, the obedient husband.

Total Body Scan

I soon realized that I was on display receiving a total body scan. I was here to do a quick closing, yet I was being analyzed body part by body part Carol now remarked how she loved my sports band for my Apple watch. Once again, asking where I had bought it and the price, I responded to Carol, $12.99. Chatty Carol was wearing the Hermes leather strap from Apple for $499. I was living on a different track from this well-off couple.

I never heard anything from the dismissive husband. Instead, Carol kept repeating how cool I was and asking Robert, “why can’t you be hipper like Jeff.” I continued listening to Carol’s words and watching her husband’s nodding. This happily married husband and wife (REALLY-so it seems?) were doing a refi on her Hampton Beach House for $500K.

Next, Carol moved on to my jeans. Carol looked at Robert with daggers in her eyes for the tenth time, “why would you not wear jeans and be fashion-forward like Jeff? I just sat there, listening to the banter. If looks could kill, Carol was killing her husband little by little. I was quiet and laughing-internally- as I was just a cool/hip hard-working notary. Well, at least in the eyes of Carol, The examination concluded, and we even finished all the paperwork!